Mourn
by gleasonmayaa
Summary: A couple days after the battle with Glory, Spike and Giles end up having a heart to heart over Buffy's death. (One-shot) ALSO MY FIRST BUFFY FIC (I have others saved in my notes but theyre unfinished and not as good)


Giles stood in the center of the magic box. He looked around and sighed deeply.

It had only been three days since the fight with Glory. Three days since Buffy's death. It had pained him to record the information into his watchers diaries, but he had done it because of when Buffy had complained about there being no details of the deaths of other slayers. He recorded her death for her. It made him chuckle to himself a bit. How stupid had that sounded.

He sighed once again, and walked over the cash register. He unlocked the cabinet underneath and pulled out a rather large bottle of whiskey, and a glass. He carried them over to the round table and poured himself a drink. He lifted the glass and stared deeply into the shiny, burgundy liquid. He didn't know what to do with himself now. He had considered going back to England. It's was most watchers did when their slayer died. At the same time, he felt like he needed to stay to help everyone else. Tara and Anya hadn't known Buffy too well. They mourned her death but it didn't put that much of a damper on their lives. Willow and Xander however cried so much, but not nearly as much as Dawn.

Dawn.

Another reason he felt he should stay. Dawn needed all the help she could get. She was on her own now, no mother or sister. She needed him. Oddly enough Spike seemed to have crossed his mind. He had fallen to ground sobbing when he saw Buffy's dead body. It was a strange sight. A vampire with no soul crying over a dead slayer. It made him wonder if Spike really did love Buffy.

He shook the thought off. It was impossible for him to love. So no need to dwell on it.

Once again he sighed and began to lift the glass to his lips when he heard the back door into the training room open. He put down the glass and reached for a sword that lay on the shelf next to him. With his hand gripped tightly around the sword he slowly crept towards the door. He pushed it open and raised the sword, expecting to see some fearful demon or a robber. Instead, he saw Spike standing there. He had his back facing him and he looked around the training room.

 _What the hell is he doing here?_

Giles thought.

He watched as Spike stepped towards Buffy's punching bag-or old punching bag rather. Spike lifted a fist, and punched the bag so hard it flew off and smashed against the wall.

"I hate to break it to you, Spike"

Giles spoke as he leaned against the door frame. Spike whirled around and narrowed his eyes at Giles.

"But beating up Buffy's old punching bag won't bring her back"

Spike scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"I'm not a bloody idiot watcher. And what are you even doing here at this time. Sulking over the slayer?"

Giles pushed up his glasses. He could see right through Spikes wall. He was mourning Buffy just as much as he was. He just didn't want them to know that he cared deeply about her. Giles smiled for a quick second.

"Well yes as a matter of fact I am. Which I can tell you're here doing the same"

Giles smile faded as quickly as it came. He turned his back and walked back over to the table.

"That obvious innit?"

He turned to see Spike leaning against the door frame of the training room.

"I think the most obvious would of been when you broke down crying"

Giles sat back down and took another sip of his whiskey. Spike pursed his lips and looked to the floor.

"Well yea got me there watcher"

Giles nodded his head slightly to show that he'd heard. He listening as Spikes footsteps approached him from behind.

"Mind if I steal a drink?"

Giles sighed.

 _Might as well let him join. I don't have anything else to do now anyways._

"Help yourself. Glasses are under the register"

He saw Spike nod his thanks out of the corner of his eye. Spike opened the cabinet and took a glass. He walked on over and sat facing the watcher. He took the bottle filled his own glass almost to the brim.

Giles watched as the vampire lifted the glass and nearly chugged the whole thing. He slammed the glass back down on the table with a loud clink and sighed.

"Harder then I thought it would be about her around"

"I always knew it would be hard without her around... I just didn't expect it to be now. It feels far too soon to have her gone"

"Know what you mean"

Spike refilled his whiskey glass. Giles furrowed his brow.

"How would you know? Less then a year ago you wanted her dead"

Spike looked up at the watcher.

"I think I wanted her dead for a different reason then the other slayers I've killed"

"And that would be?"

Spike swallowed hard.

"She made me crazy. A different type of crazy. Fighting her gave me a rush that I hadn't felt in any other fight before. Being around her made the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight. She drove me bloody crazy. I wanted her dead, cause I hated how much being around her made me feel"

Spike chuckled at himself.

"I am the most pathetic vampire ever aren't I?"

"Can't say I disagree with you... but I am curious. What brought you to this realization?"

They both took a sip of their drinks in unison.

"Might have been Dru actually... when she left me. She said that when she looks at me all she saw was the slayer. She knew I wanted her before I did. Guess in the long run, s'what made her leave"

Giles huffed. His thoughts swirled in his head. It made his head ache. He took a rather large sip of his whiskey hoping it would calm the storm.

"What about you watcher? How you dealing with the slayer being gone?"

It was odd to be confiding in Spike of all people, but he guessed it was because he didn't really care what Spike thought. He needed to be strong for everyone else, not Spike.

"I'm not sure if I'm better or worse then I thought I would be... maybe worse... I... I find I just don't know what to do with myself. I've been debating returning to England. That's what all watchers do when their slayer dies. I feel like in England there's more things for me to indulged myself in so I don't have to think about it"

Giles sighed. Just thinking of what he was going to do now made him out of breath from how exhausting it was.

"What's stoping you then?"

"There are people here that need me. Or rather one person that needs me. Tara and Anya are coping just fine I know that. Willow and Xander are hurting greatly but I know they can handle themselves. They are adults now after all. It's just Dawn that I'm worried about. How much she's gone through, and how much she's going to need help for maybe even this next year"

Giles closed his eyes. He hadn't cried once since Buffy died. He's done all his mourning internally, and he was not going to cry now. Especially not in front of Spike.

"You know watcher... if it's hurtin' you that much, and going back to England will help you, you might as well go"

"Why on earth would you-"

"I'm going to take care of Dawn"

Giles stopped. _Spike. Taking care of Dawn? But why?_

"Why? What reason would you be-"

"I promised Buffy. Back at her house when we were grabbing the weapons. She asked me if... if I would do anything I could to protect Dawn. I promised her I would, although honestly I didn't expect it to be her not to come out of this. I expected it to be me"

Spike scoffed.

"Bloody well should have been me"

Giles studied Spikes face. It was almost as if he was going to cry.

"If I had been quicker, more cunning I... I would have saved Dawn. And maybe in the process saved her too. I can't help but feel like this is all my fault and... it's tearing me into bleedin' pieces"

There was a long moment of silence after that. Neither of them spoke. Just simply sipped their whiskeys, while subconsciously taking comfort in each others presence.

"I did love her you know"

Giles looked up from the floor to see Spike staring off into space.

"I know you lot will never believe me... but I did... hell I still do... love her... it doesn't matter to me if she's dead. I'll always love her and... I'll prove it by protecting the nibblet until her last breath"

"I believe you Spike. I believe that you... love her"

Spike looked up to the watchers face and nodded his thanks. He huffed and stood up. He quickly downed his drink and turned towards the door.

"Nice heart to heart watcher"

Spike walked toward the entrance door and grasps the handle.

"Spike?"

Giles called. Spike turned to look at him.

"Tell no one of our chat... or that I'll be going back to England"

Spike pursed his lips and then nodded. He opened the door, but stopped in his tracks before he stepped out.

"One more question"

He turned back to face the watcher.

"If you could bring her back... like, exactly how she was before... would you?"

Giles huffed and looked to the ground.

"No... I'd want to bring her back so badly but... it's just not right"

Spike nodded.

"What about you?"

Giles said.

"Not sure. I'd like to say I'd do the noble thing and leave her where she is but I... if someone told me she could come back and be just the same as she was before I'd say yes in a heartbeat. No matter what came back. If it was even remotely her I'd keep it"

The two men studied each other.

They had connected with this chat. Learned more about each other, and maybe even grew to hate each other a little less.

Spike nodded his goodbye and left into the night.

Giles took one more drink before he placed everything back under the cash register. He shut off all the lights in the magic box, and was about to leave. Leaving here now felt different then the last hundred times he's closed up the magic box. He looked around. The entire shop was different without Buffy being around. He knew nothing could ever be the same. In that moment he looked up at the ceiling.

"Goodbye Buffy"

He whispered, before opening the door and closing it up with his key. And he as well left into the night.


End file.
